Sunday, December 20, 2015

Twas The Night Before Cruise-mas












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Twas the the night before Cruise-mas, when all 'bout the hull
Not a creature was stirring, not even a gull.
The stockings were hung in the galley with care,
In hopes that Capt. Nicholas soon would be there;

The shipmates were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of sangria danced in their heads;
And the admiral in her pjs, and me in my shorts,
Had just snuggled in for some romance of sorts,

When up on the fly bridge arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a drunken old looper stinking of beer.

My first instinct, of course, was to yell, “What the heck.”
Get off of my boat!” and then he barfed on the deck.
Wo, wo, wo,” the drunk said with a grin.
You got any beer, or if not I'll take gin.”

I squinted to my eyes to get a good look at the dude,
And I knew in an instant I was thoroughly screwed.
I'm Capt, Nicholas,” he then said rather proudly.
Don't raise your voice with me,“ he said very loudly.

It's that jolly time of year,” he said to me then,
It's Cruise-mas! The holiday for boaters once again.”
So, Nick,” I then asked, “why are you really here?”
I was hoping,” he said, “ to pilfer some beer.”

But in the true Cruise-mas spirit, I'll set that aside,
and give you some gifts on this boating yuletide.”
He reached into his duffle and pulled out lots of stuff,
It's all a bit much,” I said. “This is really enough.”

I've got Racor filters, and joker valves, pfds and such,
I protested, “But, Nick, it's really too much.”
There's a new genset, a chartplotter, an anchor and more
and all kinds of crap from the West Marine store.”

Wow!” I yelled, “hey honey, come here and see this.”
Capt, Nick is here. This is something you can't miss.”
My admiral then made her way up on the deck.
And suspiciously checked out the old drunken wreck.

I'm Capt. Nick, and you must be the admiral here.”
I've got a gift for you too!” He said with a leer.
Why don't you come a little closer for some Cruise-mas cheer.”
My wife said, “Eh, no. I think I'm fine here.”

Then the jolly old elf who smelled like cheap wine,
Arose to his feet, looked at his watch and said, “Well, look at the time.”
I have only a moment, two minutes tops.
'cause I got to vamoos to stay ahead of the cops.”

He stumbled to the rail of the maindeck and then,
fell to the dock with a huge crack on his chin.
But he bounced to his feet and laughed with a scoff,
That'll leave a mark, well I've got to be off.”

I've got to be going. The time gets away.”
It's a long night ahead, so I mustn't delay.”
A twinkle in his eyes bright as the stars did appear,
Now where in hell did I park those eight tiny reindeer.”

But before I go, there's more things I must say,
before the end of this Cruise-mas day.”
Hold fast to your friends and to your shipmates be true,
and always love your admiral as your admiral should love you.

In all your journeys be safe, always be at your best,
So safely and securely you pass every test.
To be extra safe, it doesn't take much,
Err on the side of caution with weather, conditions, and such.

Always take the time and see all of nature,
Revel in God's creation, and don't be a stranger,
...to the beauty that only we boaters will be,
a witness of the majesty of an azure blue sea.

And remember that we boaters are to be better than most,
as stewards of our realm, from the deepest depths to the coast.
And it's a responsibility that we all share,
To show the land lubbers, of this, how to care.

But most of all, cherish your time, and don't give it away,
To naysayers and critics that want to lead you astray,
To the kinds of empty lives that they lead,
Because they don't know how to dream anymore.

Well, captain,” he said, “you have a mighty fine ship,
The two of you take care of yourselves and have a nice trip.
Wherever you go and whatever you do,
Take care of your boat, and she'll take care of you.”

We watched him walk away while he bellowed “HO HO HO,”
Like he was hailing the heavens on a radio.
But there was one small thing that he just couldn't hide,
Captain Nicholas couldn't walk straight if he tried.

We turned towards the door to get back to our bed.
When we heard Capt. Nick yelling instead.
We ran down the dock to see what was the stink.
Capt. Nick walked off the dock and into the drink.